Hello there, it’s been a while hasn’t it? I probably average about two blog posts a year, hah.
It’s been almost two weeks since I finished my exams. How did I do? A lot better than last year for sure, but it still wasn’t what it was supposed to be and once in a while when I think about getting my results (probably in a month and a half’s time) I feel nervous and slightly queasy.
I wish I could say that the past weeks have been relaxing, carefree and maybe even productive, but it was more like just plain laziness. I’ve been doing almost nothing except for some tidying up in my room (more like just moving my mess from one place to another) and having Play-Doh sessions with my niece. I took some pictures here and there but they’re nothing to shout about. I did manage to do a huge load of laundry yesterday, so that’s that.
I feel embarrassed admitting this, but the truth is I’ve been spending a lot of time catching up on social media stuff. You know, just casually peaking into people’s lives. During the few months before my exam I was very eager to try new things and to get in touch with my artistic side (not sure if this even exist?). Now that I finally have the time to, I find myself feeling a little overwhelmed by a “where do I start?” feeling.
I’m a person who can be quite impressionable and easily affected by what I see on social media, so that definitely doesn’t help. The more I’m on it, the further I feel from being where I want to be. It’s kind of like a “the more you know, the more you know you don’t know” type of situation.
It’s almost like I let social media determine the standard of happiness for me. It becomes a list I need to tick off before I can be considered happy – holidays, fancy food, hot bod and thick brows (seriously, when did brows become such a big deal??). This makes me feel somewhat inadequate and almost detached from the life that I’m actually living, which in return makes me question myself as to why I’m so shallow.
Now before you say anything, I know, take it with a pinch of salt right? Whatever people show on social media is what they want you to see and we don’t know what happens behind the perfectly taken shots of daily #ootds and amazing vacation pictures. You know, I get that, and yet somehow that doesn’t really change the way it makes me feel.
I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I’m obsessed, but it does take up quite a bit of my time. At this point, I know that a possible solution would be for me to get off social media, at least temporarily, to prioritise and focus on things that I actually want and have been planning to do, instead of things I feel like I need to do because hey, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be “cool”, whatever the fuck that means.
I thought about that a couple of times, and each time it kinda ends with a “Nahhh, that’s not necessary.” Is it really not, though? I don’t know.
Because of the way I am, most of the time I have difficulty with staying true to myself. Although our thoughts are almost always a combination of existing elements and influences that surround us, how much is too much?
Social media is a double-edged sword. Approach it with the right attitude, it can be a useful source of information. It makes a person become aware of the possibilities and opportunities that they never knew were available to them. Heck, it could even be a source of motivation to achieve what others have achieved. But with the wrong attitude, it can make the mind of a person a really ugly place – a place full of envy and jealousy. Especially at this stage in our lives where young adults like myself are starting to make a life for themselves, there’s this pressure of not wanting to be the one that has the shittier life and zero plans for the future.
As I scroll down on the endless rows of pictures on Instagram’s “Explore” feed, it feels like almost everyone there is better than me – more creative, better-looking, takes better pictures. So where does that leave me?
I’m pretty fucking tired of this feeling of self-pity.
I think it’s important for me (and anyone who is like me) to realise that it’s really really really not about being the best or even being better than anyone else; it’s really about being the best you can be. If we’re talking about mastering a particular skill, work hard and do the best you can do ; if we’re talking about being pretty, be the prettiest you can be.
Work towards being able to step back and celebrate what you’ve accomplished; to look in the mirror and actually liking what you see.
Although this is starting to sound really cliché and corny and not at all useful, I believe it’s true and that it’s probably the only way for anyone to live a happy and fulfilling life.
Dream big but also dream realistically. Ironic I know, but being practical and reasonable doesn’t necessarily take away your big dreams. Learn what your capabilities are but also be aware of your weaknesses. Most importantly, stay open to the opportunities that come your way.
Although getting off social media for a while may be helpful now, but a change in attitude is what will come in handy in the long run. I don’t want to come off sounding like I have any idea at all what I’m doing with my life, but I want you to know that I am trying to do what I think I should be doing and I’d like to believe that I’m heading in the right direction.
As for those of us who don’t have clear vision of a dream yet, I can’t say for sure, but I think we’ll get there.